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Helpful Tips for Setting Better Boundaries with Immigrant Families

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How can I show up for the people I care about and ensure I am taking care of myself? How do I continue to give to others and not feel burnout throughout the process? Boundary settings can bring up difficult feelings and truths within us. When you are raised in a family-centric culture, it can be hard to set boundaries with immigrant families. It’s not easy to say no to the people that you love to create space for yourself. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean keeping those you love at a distance but rather finding a way to keep those you care about close.

It was hard finding online tips on setting boundaries with love. Most resources are about setting boundaries with acquaintances or coworkers which I believe is easier to disassociate yourself from. I decided to create my own list of tips and resources together in hopes of helping you navigate the process of setting boundaries. My goal is to help you show up for yourself and for the people you care about more healthily.

Table of Context

Helpful Tips for Setting Boundaries with Immigrant Parents
Work with Me and Learn How to Set Better Boundaries

Helpful Tips for Setting Boundaries with Immigrant Parents

cheerful ethnic mother hugging children lying in bed — Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

1. Reflect on How This Experience May Affect You

When you are setting boundaries and stating your needs, your boundaries will inevitability be tested and trialled. Will you be able to stand your ground or will you buckle under the pressure? During a heightened state of emotions, can you communicate with the people you love lovingly?

Dr. Jo Nash states,

“Discomfort is normal when we are making changes to our behavior.”
From How to Set Boundaries – State What You Want

It is important to think about this process and what it might entail because

“Sometime it’s difficult to state what we want and need, especially when dealing with someone in authority or in a difficult situation or relationship.”
From How to Set Boundaries – State What You Want

To practice, Dr. Jo Nash created a great worksheet on practice stating what you want.

Self-reflection helps us prepare for difficult situations and be less reactive in the moment. Why is it important to be less reactive? When we respond in an agitated state, we are less likely to communicate with love and may hurt the people we care about.

Journal prompts can help you reflect on your current mindset around setting boundaries. If you are looking for more activities, check out my list of articles on setting boundaries, free worksheets, and other self-reflective activities.

2. Learn How to Communicate and Create Boundaries

Setting boundaries with immigrant families can be hard. In my experience, when a family member is asking for help, they are usually looking for immediate assistance and support. How can we acknowledge their needs while juggling our own life’s responsibilities?

There are different types of boundaries and it is important to think about what your current capacity is. We should acknowledge their ask and then communicate realistically when we would be able to address/complete it. Since the goal is to set boundaries with love, it is important to have a follow-up timeframe and follow through so the other person does not feel dismissed.

I am including examples of ways to communicate certain boundaries and things you can do about:

Boundaries Around Space

Leave the physical space and return at a later time. Ensure you are communicating when you will be returning.
Space can help you collect your thoughts and give you time to think about what you want to say.
Use the time away to complete the task or for self-reflection.
Create physical space if you are planning to have a difficult conversation. You can send a message via text or talk over the phone.
Things you can say, “I can’t comment on this right now, can I get back to you in one hour/one day/ during the weekend?”

Setting Boundaries Around Time

Try to negotiate a different time that would work better for you and the other person.
Things you can say,
- “I can’t complete this task right now, can we discuss this tomorrow?”
- “I can’t address this right now. I will be able to focus and discuss this better on the weekend, is that okay?”

Boundaries Around Emotions

Use different mediums to communicate your message. You can send voice notes, text, or a written letter if it is easier for you.
You can ask someone you trust (ex. sibling or a close friend) to mediate the conversation or ask them to relay your message.

Allison Ly, a psychotherapist talks about setting better boundaries with immigrant families and paperwork. Allison provides great examples of what that looks like and in their interview also talks about the burden and burnout one may feel through the process.

3. Things You Can Say Instead of Saying No When Setting Boundaries with Immigrant Families

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4. Your Mental Health is Important

At the end of the day, your mental health is important. You know yourself best and what you are capable of. Perhaps your emotional tolerance right now is low and you are unable to give to others in this moment. That is perfectly okay because it is important to create boundaries within our capability.

Every month, I speak to a therapist to help me figure out how to better handle the hard stuff in life. Therapy can be expensive so l created an article on the top free mental health and self-care resources online which may be helpful to you.

Work with Me and Learn How to Set Better Boundaries with Immigrant Families

laptop on table to. Work with me on setting boundaries with immigrant families. — Photo by Christina Morillo on Pexels.com

Envision what your life would be like if you were setting better boundaries in your personal and professional life. Sometimes we need guidance or a third party to help us cut to the chase and get straight to the root cause. I can help you: